How the Ice Cream Was Saved
by theweirdperson
Summary: Mystique is depressed over her rejection by her children, and is depleting the Brotherhood ice cream supply. What's there to do but create a list of schemes to get them back involving green dye, puppies, and polka bands?


_The disclaimer was firebombed by Mystique. However, before that happened, it said that I do not own X-Men: Evolution_

The Brotherhood boys were doing what they did best-- lounging about the Brotherhood house. Except, perhaps, Pietro, who was not good at lounging at all. He was darting to and fro whilst concocting a prank to pull on the unsuspecting X-Men.

"Hm... dye in shampoo..." he muttered.

Meanwhile, Mystique was in the kitchen, eating a quart of double-fudge ice cream straight from the carton. Lance was beginning to get worried.

"Eh... you guys think we should see what's got Mystique all mopey?" Lance asked.

"Nah. It's probably just that time, yanno?" Todd replied.

"No, that was two weeks ago."

"Oh. Then I guess..." Todd trailed off.

"You know what they say," Lance sighed, "If Mystique ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."

"I thought that was 'If Momma ain't happy'," Toad said.

"Besides, I'm perfectly happy right now," Fred said, carefully balancing a large bowl of cereal whose ingredients were mostly of sugar and food coloring.

"Well, if Mystique keeps going on like this, eventually she'll eat all the ice cream in the house," Lance reminded him.

"What! You gotta find out what's got the boss-lady down!" Fred exclaimed.

"Why does it always have to be _me?_" Lance asked. "Why can't we have Pietro do it?"

"'Cause I'm not stupid," Pietro said, darting in front of Lance. "I say let sleeping dogs lie."

"We've got to do something! We can't just leave our leader sitting in the kitchen, moping around and eating ice cream!" Lance argued.

"Yeah!" Fred said. "You've got to do it Lance, for the sake of the ice cream!"

Lance sighed and trudged to the kitchen with the air of someone who wasn't sure if they'd ever make it out again.

"There goes a brave, brave soul," Toad stated solemnly.

"Whatever," Pietro shrugged. "You know where I can find some green dye?"

---

Mystique looked up grumpily from her ice cream. "What do _you_ want?" she snapped.

Lance supressed the urge to bolt, steeled himself and said, "We've been worried about you. You've been seeming a little... depressed lately."

Mystique took another large spoonful of double fudge. "So?"

"You can't just keep moping around like this. Whatever it is, you've got to either confront it, or let it go."

"I'LL NEVER LET THEM GO!" she cried, bursting into tears.

Lance, rather freaked out, took a few tenative steps forward and patted her back. "There, there, I'm sure it's not so bad..."

"Of course it's 'so bad'! My children hate my guts! They won't even speak to me! I want my Kurty-poo and Roguey-roo back!"

_Kurty-poo and Roguey-roo? This woman needs some serious help! _Lance thought.

"Erm, I'm sure they don't hate you _that_ much."

"But they do! Why can't they understand?"

"Well, maybe we could figure out a way for you to have a nice talk with them..."

"That's it!" Mystique abruptly stopped weeping. She brushed the remaining tears away, and sat up. "I'll get them back! I'll find a way to tell them that I love them!"

"That's the spirit," Lance said, glad that she'd stopped crying and wondering if perhaps he'd made a mistake in his careful scheduling.

_Nah. If it had been THAT time, she probably would have broken something. Like one of my bones._

"I'll find a way. And you're all going to help me," Mystique stated.

"That's great... wait, what?"

"Gather up the rest of the Brotherhood. We're going to get my kids back!"

_Plan 1: Kidnapping_

"So, I think my teacher secretly hates teenagers," Kurt explained.

"Just because she's assigning a lot of homework? All teachers assign homework, you know," Rogue replied.

"Not that much!"

Before Rogue could say anything to that, she felt a sting in her neck and was out cold. The same happened to Kurt.

"I always wondered when I'd get to use my tranquilizer gun," Pietro said happily.

"Why'd you have that anyways?" Lance asked.

"Well, you know how Wanda was before..."

"Enough chit-chat. Load them into the van!" Mystique broke in.

---

"Unnh... my head..."

Kurt sat up, clutching his head. Rogue was currently in the process of awakening as well.

_Their house is a mess! _Kurt thought

"Now, I think we need to have a nice, family discussion," Mystique said.

"How about not?" Kurt said, grasping Rogue's hand and teleporting out in a cloud of smoke.

"Dangit!"

_Plan 2: Sabotage_

"Hm hm hm... la la la..."

Not many people knew that Kurt sang in the shower. It was a secret he kept well.

"La dee dah..."

He reached for the shampoo. It could really be a pain, having to shampoo all of his fur...

"Doo be doo wah... WHA?"

He looked at his arm in shock. He was no longer his usual blue shade. He was GREEN!

"Augh!"

Desperately, he tried to scrub out the dye, but to no avail.

He turned off the water and grabbed his towel. A piece of paper was taped to the mirror.

_Dear Kurt,_

_I put green dye in your shampoo because I don't like you and wish you would leave the X-men. _

_Love, Professor X_

_P.S. I hear the Brotherhood has an opening._

"Mystique..." he muttered.

_The next day..._

"Hm hm hm... la la la..."

Not many people knew that Mystique sang in the shower. It was a secret that she kept well. Besides, those of the Brotherhood who had heard her weren't about to tell anyone. The consequences, they knew, would be dire.

"La dee dah..."

She reached for the shampoo.

"Doo be doo wah..."

She turned off the water and grabbed her towel. She suddenly glimpsed herself in the mirror.

"Ack!"

A piece of paper was taped to the mirror.

_Dear Mystique,_

_I put green dye in your shampoo because I don't like you and wish you would leave me alone._

_Love, Kurt_

_P.S. I mean it. Next time I'll bring out the itching powder._

_Plan 3: Trickery_

"Oh help! Help!"

A blonde woman was backed up against a tree.

"Someone save me!"

Fred, wearing a cardboard box with a monster face drawn on the front of it with crayon as a mask, said, "Rawr... and stuff."

"Scarier!" Mystique hissed. "We have to make this convincing!"

"Rawr! Grr! Roar!" Fred said, louder this time.

Kurt and Rogue were walking home from school when they saw it.

"Does she think we're stupid or something?" Rogue asked.

They kept walking.

"Help me, somebody! Like you two somebodies over there!" Mystique called.

They kept walking.

"Er... come on, you're not going to leave me here to be eaten, are you?"

They kept walking.

"Oh, come on!"

They kept right on walking.

Mystique sighed and shifted back to her regular form. "Was that really the best you could do costume-wise?"

Fred nodded. "Now, if you'd given me a bigger budget..."

_Plan 4: Infiltration_

Kurt and Rogue wanted to catch a ride home with Scott in the hopes of avoiding another one of Mystique's schemes. Unfortunately, his car had broken down, and was in the shop that afternoon.

They trudged cautiously down the sidewalk, looking about carefully for any sign of the Brotherhood.

"Hey, look!"

A cardboard box with 'Free Puppy' scrawled across the front in red crayon was by the side of the sidewalk. They looked inside, and there, indeed, was an adorable puppy with reddish-brown fur.

"It's so cute!" Kurt exclaimed.

"Mommy! Look!"

A little girl who appeared to be about seven had also spotted the box.

"It's a puppy! Can I keep it, please?"

The mother in question looked at the two teenagers.

"She's welcome to it," said Kurt, smiling, although a little disappointed at not being able to keep it himself. How can you deny a puppy to such a cute kid?

"All right then, sweetie. But we'll have to take it to the vet and make sure it has all of its shots!"

"Yay!" She scooped the puppy up into her arms. "I'll name you Snuggles and love you forever!

_As soon as she turns her back, I'm bolting, _thought Mystique, surpressing a shudder.

_Plan 5: Form a Polka Band_

The Brotherhood were in the Bayville Park, playing a cheery polka tune.

Passersby looked at them oddly, but they kept on doggedly.

After the song had ended, Mystique whispered, "How, exactly, is this going to help me get Kurt and Rogue back?"

Todd shrugged. "I dunno. But I've always wanted to play in a polka band!"

Mystique smacked her forehead with the hand that wasn't holding a trumpet. "You know what? That's the last time I listen to any of _your _suggestions."

_Plan 6: Kidnapping, Plan B_

Rogue really wished that Scott's car would stop breaking down. Kurt was staying after school for a protest against an overload of homework, so Rogue was walking home alone.

Suddenly, she felt a sting in her neck.

_Dangit! _she thought before blacking out.

Pietro pumped his fist. "Tranquilizer guns rock!"

---

When Rogue woke up, she was tied to a chair. Lance was standing guard.

"Unnh... my head..."

Once again, she had a headache.

"Mystique's at the grocery store. We ran out of milk again," Lance explained.

Rogue struggled against the bonds for a few moments, then came up with a different idea...

"You know Kitty's birthday's coming up, right?"

"How could I ever forget?" he sighed.

"Well, I happen to know _exactly_ what she wants..."

"Oh! Tell me! I must know!"

"Untie me first, then I'll tell."

---

"You did WHAT?" Mystique was rather upset, and made no attempt to hide it.

"She made me an offer I couldn't refuse!" Lance explained.

"I don't care! I asked you to make sure she didn't escape! She was tied to a chair! I thought that was within your capabilities, but apparently I was wrong! You're fired!"

"... how can I be fired? You weren't even paying me?"

"Augh!"

Lance, wisely, started running.

_Plan 7: Beg_

The doorbell of the X-Mansion rang. Rogue went to answer it.

The entire Brotherhood (sans Mystique) stook there.

Rogue started to close the door, but Lance held it open.

"Please! You've got to say something to her! She's gone mad! She's starting to talk about firebombing the whole of Bayville just to get to you!"

"How would firebombing Bayville do that anyways? Odds are we'd get fried too." Rogue said.

"I'm telling you, she's totally irrational! Please?" Lance pleaded.

"Yeah, I'll never slime anything of yours again!" Todd said.

"Yeah, and I'll never put dye in any of your shampoo!" Pietro added.

"So it was _you!_" Kurt said, walking over to the door. He'd heard the commotion and had decided to check it out.

"And I'll never mess with Scott's car again!" Lance said.

"So it was _you!_" Rogue said.

"Please! The fate of the ice cream depends on it!" Fred begged.

"...Fine. But you owe us big time."

---

"Oh yes. Burn it all, burn it all in glorious fire!" Mystique said, a very creepy expression on her face, gesturing with her spoon for emphasis. She scooped out another bite of cookie dough ice cream.

_Bamf!_

Mystique looked up to see her son and daughter, who had teleported into the kitchen. Her face broke into a smile.

"Kids!" she said, getting up. "You're here!"

"Yes. We want you to stop stalking us," Rogue said.

"But it's only because I love you," Mystique replied.

"We know, but it's really getting annoying," Kurt told her.

"Maybe we can work something out?" Mystique asked. "Like, you visit me here every week or so?"

"Try once a year."

"How about once a month?"

"Once every six months."

"Once every two months?"

"Fine."

"And the visit has to be at least three hours long."

"Make it two hours and we have a deal."

"All right."

"It's agreed, then." Rogue reached out a hand to Kurt. "Let's go."

"Wait." Mystique smiled. "The first visit starts now."

Rogue sighed.

"Can we go bowling?" Kurt asked.

---

Fred settled into the couch with Mystique's abandoned carton of ice cream. "The ice cream has been saved," he said solemnly, and dug in.

Just then, Todd trudged sadly downstairs. "Wanda just rejected me. Again. What does she have against dates?" He shuffled into the kitchen, grabbed a pint of butterscotch swirl ice cream from the freezer, and flopped down next to Fred.

Fred let out a mental sigh. _At least Todd doesn't eat as much ice cream as Mystique,_ he reflected.


End file.
